Headshots and nonsense

To be clear, before we even get started, I am the nonsense in this story.

I needed a new headshot for my website, and for a professional organization I’m part of. The photo I’ve been using is old, and it made me look younger and more attractive, which always rubs me the wrong way…it was a very flattering photo, taken by a friend-photographer from Seattle, but it was feeling like false advertising. When I see someone’s photo online and then meet them and they’re obviously much older, it makes me feel funny, and while I enjoy being funny I don’t want to be funny like that!

I decided to take matters into my own hands, since it’s kind of strange to be a photographer but not be able to photograph yourself. Plus I hate being photographed, so I thought it might be easier or better somehow.

I started out setting up a background, my face was unprepared for photographing, and I ended up moving to another location - a different area in my apartment, nothing drastic - and trying again. Eventually I had to go for a walk to escape the pressure, but did more shooting upon my return. It should be hilarious how hard it was, but at least no one got to witness my torture. I was using my phone as a remote and for viewing the photos/live view of myself, and all I can say is it’s really hard to figure out how to pose, if you don’t know how, and have no one to suggest ideas. Of course when I photograph other people, I can suggest lots of ideas, but apparently I can’t think of any good ideas when faced with my own face. It’s just awkward!

I had a few contenders, but the photo I went with was this one:

There were a few more contenders, but my partner thought I looked mad in most of them, and this one was the best headshoty headshot. The others were more casual, and could be used for a different applications if I need them. I don’t think I will want to do this again soon. I know I’m much harder on myself than I am on people I’m photographing, and then when editing it’s my own face! It feels very self-involved, and makes me overly self-conscious. I now know how tense my jaw looks apparently always! And how asymmetrical my face is! And as soon as you zoom in…wow! At the same time, it was a mostly good experience, and a good reminder of how uncomfortable it is to be scrutinized.

For your entertainment, here are the others I considered. More casual, and all were color that I made black and white versions of also, hence the black and white thrown in there…the last one is kind of oddly lit, but I was leaning toward my reflector and away from the window, the others the reflector was farther away. It was so dark out that without the reflector the side of my face away from the window would have been entirely dark without a little help. Overall, I discovered how little I know about how I look at any given time.